i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize