Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
