Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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