Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
