ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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