What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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