I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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