he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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