We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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