lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
