How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We just shotgunned beers for America
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
