never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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