So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
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