I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
