I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
