ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
