we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
thus making me awesome and them whores
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Randomize
