I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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