I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
