closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
