Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
