Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
