Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
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