2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
