Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize