Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
