question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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