In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize