So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He shit in the fireplace
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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