im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
