bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
