where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
