I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
