I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
