My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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