Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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