i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
