I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
