Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
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