the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
me + whiskey = a bad person
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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