if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm like, not good at living.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
