Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The best revenge is premature balding
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
