Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
