the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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