We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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