When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
