dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
