I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
