Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
