I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
