Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
