drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
