Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
