It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
