maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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