I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
