I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
