I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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