You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
