there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
