I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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