Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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