I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
