Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
