Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
