you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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