apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He shit in the fireplace
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize