the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
