nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
