"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
