i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
