Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
