Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
