His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
