Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize