I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
