My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
