I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
