been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize