My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
third nipple confirmed
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
