I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
