I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
