Where are you?
In a non slutty way
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
