Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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