So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
