That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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