I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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