all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize