Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
