Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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