We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize