If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
third nipple confirmed
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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