it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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