don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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