Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
