I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
