I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
