do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
