Nicole vs. Life
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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